Question:

My husband cheated on me and now we’re left trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered marriage. Is there anything I can do to help change his actions and remain faithful to me as we move past this and is there really hope for us or am I just fooling myself?

Answer:

Managing infidelity in marriage is distressing and despite the fact that most marriages can overcome an affair, the degree of recovery and speed is normally influenced by the offender. In order to save your marriage, help your partner who was unfaithful to modify their actions and reestablish trust in your relationship.

If you are the one who cheated, print this list out and refer to it often. It will give you the strength you need to change your actions and recommit to your marriage.

Below I’ll outline the 6 tips that will help save your marriage and rebuild trust .

6 Tips to Save a Marriage and Rebuild Trust After The Affair

1. Be Honest

2. Take Responsibility

3. Cut Ties

4. Be Open

5. Answer Honestly

6. Give them Time and Space as Needed

Be honest and upfront.

The damage has already been done and continuing to lie will only compound the problem. You have the ability to set the tone and speed of reconciliation and it starts with being honest. Most likely your spouse has a general idea of what happened, but when they ask you a question answer it truthfully because it helps them to accept the situation that you put them in.

Take responsibility for your actions.

The worst thing you can do is assign blame to anything or anyone but you. Own the mistake. When you own the mistake and are truly remorseful for your actions you create a climate where thoughts and feelings can be openly shared by both parties. This helps to increase the lines of communication which helps to re-establish trust and an emotional connection.

Cut all ties with the other person.

This is an area where most cheater’s tend to fall short. If you are the one who cheated, it’s vital that you break off all ties with the other person involved. If not, your spouse is going to have a hard time trusting anything you say or do despite your best intentions. And the last thing that you as the cheater need at this point is to send mixed signals to your spouse. If you need to, take some time to yourself and decide which relationship is most important to you and then move forward from there.

Be open with your spouse.

This falls into the same general category as being honest with your spouse, however this task involves changing your actions not your words. Right now your spouse feels vulnerable and insecure and they’re looking for reassurance from you that you’re not going to cheat again. It’s in your best interest to develop predictable and transparent behaviors when it comes to dealing with your spouse from this point. I’ve listed a few below:

Here are a few ways you can go about doing this:

· Always keep your cell phone on

· Call when you’re going to be late from the office

· Don’t block access to your email, Facebook or Twitter accounts

· Don’t lock out your cell phone

· Call your spouse at random times of the day.

These things are crucial to rebuilding trust. Your spouse needs to know that they can contact you whenever they need to and even though you may think it’s an invasion of privacy, remember you’re the one that broke their trust, now you have to earn it back.

Answer their questions honestly.

It’s perfectly natural for your spouse to want details of the affair, but don’t volunteer information unless asked to do so. Also, try not to conceal information that you think might be to sensitive for your spouse. Instead tell them that you’d like to talk about it but at a later time. At this juncture, your spouse is looking to get a general idea of how the affair went down so they can plan their next moves. Lastly, answering your spouse’s questions will help go a long way to rebuilding the trust in your marriage.

Give them the time and space they need.

At this moment in time you ought to respect your spouse’s needs and give them the appropriate time and space they need to grieve. Its possible you have apologized repeatedly for the affair, but there are emotionally charged wounds that can only heal after some time. It is best to work on re-establishing both an emotional connection and a physical one with your spouse by expressing your appreciation and love for them on a regular basis.

This is just the beginning to with your spouse . By following the guidelines above you demonstrate to your spouse that you are ready to recommit to your relationship through your actions and not just your words.

Filed under: Relationships

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